How to Tweak Your Time With Your Kids For Better Connection

Last weekend I popped a couple of questions into my Facebook group Parenting Solution Finders

One was “I’m curious, when I talk about having connection with your kids, what does that bring to mind for you?”

A couple of moms in the group answered “guilt!”

 Moms, I hear you, life is busy and sometimes we would rather skip the connection because kids are energy suckers and we just don’t have any energy left to hand over to them.


I have a secret for you, the more connected your kids feel the easier they are to live with.

Are you screaming at me through your computer screen right now?  Yelling “I’m with my kids every damn day!  How much more connected can we get?”

As a homeschool mom of 4 I can totally relate.

The problem comes from your kids not realizing you’re connecting with them.  Their attention is elsewhere and it’s not sinking in that you’re having a bonding moment.

Fear not… There is a solution.

What if I told you that connection doesn’t have to be a big deal and it could even happen with just a little tweak in what you’re already doing?

True story friend!

Before I give you the tweak, let’s take a step back and talk about why we should put the effort into intentionally connecting with our kids.

When we connect with our kids it brings them security.  Many times misbehavior is a child trying to communicate their insecurity.  Am I enough?  Am I loved?  Am I in mom’s good books right now? If we can reinforce their sense of well being we help create confident, well adjusted, resilient kids.

Not to mention we get rid of a good percentage of the misbehavior.

Now the tweak. I know that you’re already connecting with your kids. If you weren’t they would be withering human beings.

What we’re going to do is bring attention to the connection and make it even more special.

Let’s say you read a story to your kiddo at bedtime. Instead of calling it a bedtime story, use the most magical word in your child’s world.  No it’s not chocolate.

It’s their name.

For example my son’s name is Gus.

 Instead of story time (or walk time or play ball or coloring time etc)…It’s Gus time!

Then take is one step further, During Gus time Gus gets to choose the book and the stuffy who reads with us.
I give him small bits of control by offering specific choices.  

“Should we sit up or lay down to read?”  

For human beings a lack of control is a stress trigger for the brain so offering this little bit can be hugely beneficial for calming and strengthening your connection,

You don’t have to add anything to your plate, just work with what you’re already doing.

The magic number of minutes to see real change in behavior using preventative connection is about 20 minutes/ day.
These minutes are focused minutes that you draw your child’s attention so they are extra special and bucket filling.
Connection is king when it comes to parenting!  

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