When I look back on my life I recognize a pattern of waiting.
Someone on the outside would probably never know. From the outside there seems to always be something new and a little crazy going on.
The Scott’s are fixing up another house! The Scott’s have another pet (my critters are something I am not exactly minimal about).If you check out Instagram you’ll find numerous #artsyfartsy projects that I’ve done with my children.I might be giving the impression that I’m living life to the fullest.
Don’t get me wrong, I like my life, I love my life in fact! But I’m often living it in a state of waiting.
Waiting to be better educated.
Waiting to be more qualified.
Waiting for someone to invite me into an opportunity.
Waiting to be braver.
Waiting for a calling.
I have to ask why am I waiting for these things? Do I even know what exactly I’m waiting for?
I’ve often thought that things will be clearer when my kids are older. My life path will be laid out before me… later. I’ll wait until then.
The funny thing about later, is later never comes. And life is not laid out. It’s more like a series of tunnels than a clear path. You can stay at the mouth of the tunnel, where you can see the light and the road that will take you back to safety. Or you can go through the unknown. Find out what’s on the other side.
In Jeff Goins’ book The Art of Work he writes:
“We picture someone who just knew what they were supposed to do with their lives, and at the right time, did it. But a calling doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes, perhaps often, it is messy.”
It’s messy. As in can’t hear myself think, hopped up on coffee, figuring things out as I go along, messy. It’s not going to get less messy any time soon.
I’m finished being comfortable in the sticky vinyl chairs of the waiting room. Settling for five year old magazines and T.V. screens with the sound off.
I’m tired of just waiting in this mess, hoping this mud puddle will magically become clear.
I think it’s time to pull on my galoshes and dance in the rain, even if I don’t know the steps. It’s time to take chances and be willing to let failure be my teacher if necessary.
What am I waiting for?
I’m linking this post up with #wholemama at Overflow.