How to Parent With an Abundance Mindset

Oh how many times have I lamented “If my kids would just _____”

Be quiet.

Leave me alone.

Stop fighting.

Be quiet.

Do their chores faster.

Not whine.

Be Quiet.

Then I would be so much more productive!

 

Honestly why must they be so needy.  Why must they interrupt me?  Why can’t they stay focused on a task for more than 5 seconds at a time? WHY?

I can not tell you the number of times I have been beyond frustrated because we have shit to do and the one kid who is supposed to get the breakfast dishes off the table is building a LEGO castle in the living room.

Honestly are the little monsters having secret meetings to destroy my sanity and kill all of the self help work I have done?  Take a hint children.  When mommy is still using her kind voice to remind you to do something, that is the calm before the storm.

I’m learning though.  That line of thinking causes us way too much stress.  It’s not valuable to our well being at all.  It comes from a scarcity mindset.

A mindset that whisper menacing words; “I only have a tiny amount of time available today and I can not waste it helping you be a better human being since you are sabotaging my attempts to be a better human being.”

For sure not the message I want to communicate to my little humans.

It is a destructive story to to live out of.

I have been slowly and thoughtfully answering the questions from Casey O’Roarty’s online course Journey to Joy.

The most recent question was: What are you deciding about yourself as a parent? (Lightbulb moment I get to choose who I want to be as a parent and work towards that!!) What is the new story you can tell yourself?  What can you fill yourself up with?

I wrote myself a little note to myself when I answered.

Dear Sarah

You are actually on this self/life betterment journey with your children.  They are not your opposition.  They are your teammates. (classmates?  teachers sometimes?) and your cheerleaders.  You are rocking this together.

Much love my dear

Sarah

One little note has not instantly changed all of my scarcity thinking.  This epiphany is now a tool I have to get out of the pit.

Our brain rewards us with feel good chemicals for telling it a story.  It doesn’t matter what the story is as long as our mind thinks the story is making life make sense.

I would rather condition my brain with a positive story of abundance and connection than lack and resistance.

If I stop in the middle of a project to offer comfort to my six year old, it is probably going to take me 2 minutes.  The connection I enforce with her is a healing balm and she is ready to go back to playing quite quickly.

If I snarl at her to leave me alone.  Can’t you see I’m working?  I can’t concentrate when you’re bothering me. I either have a much more emotional child on my hands or a child who limps away wounded and a little more hardened.

Plus my thoughts are jumbled because stress hormones are not conducive to creativity.

My goal is to have the story of teamwork play out more and more often and make amends with my children and myself as best I can when it doesn’t.

I am not a perfect mother. (Hence taking the Journey to Joy course).  I am just a mom choosing to show up a differently than I have been and love myself through it.

I am a big believer of having reminders in my face to help me stay on track with my goals.  If you are that way too I have a great freebie for you.  Click the button below to get your connection reminder cards.

Connection Reminder Cards

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4 Comments

  • Brooke says:

    This post is very interesting. I’m glad I read it today. I’ve been feeling like I can’t be very productive lately because my son needs more attention. I hadn’t thought of that as being a scarcity mindset, but it makes a lot of sense.
    Isn’t it funny that the things we want to do to save time (like your example of wanting to tell your six year old to leave you alone) actually cost us more time in the long run? But taking a little more time to connect with her, you are actually saving time because she feels secure in your relationship and most likely won’t need your attention quite as much.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • Everything here fits in so perfectly with motherhood daily struggles. I’m constantly having to remind myself that my children are (so old) and are still learning. Writing that letter to yourself looks like a good idea.

  • Sonja says:

    Thank you for being real about your daily struggles with being a mom. Some days my patience is worn thin, and I need a perspective check. This post helped give some specific tips on how to do that.

    The narrative we tell ourselves does matter. One of my favorite authors, Kate DiCamillo writes in The Tale of Despereaux, “Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark.” I agree. I appreciated hearing your story.

  • Talya says:

    Such great information! Thank you for being so honest and sharing all of this. It is so important to make sure that we have the right view point to be the best parent we can be!

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