I hear it often enough… and I’ve done it too.
Mothers matchmaking for their young children. Yes it’s often done jokingly over coffee… “Oh someday we could be in-laws you know?Hudson will make a good husband one day… I would be OK if he married my little Suzy.” Sometimes our children are within ear reach and sometimes not. It seems harmless enough to us grown ups. Just a funny thought, but for a little one it can be an idea too big to comprehend.
Children are not equipped cognitively for such far in the future planning. Case in point,when my little sister Heather was 4 or 5 she wanted to be a booger and an idiot when she grew up. Thankfully she didn’t pursue either of those careers.
Preparing for something as complicated as marriage at such a young age seems quite ridiculous to me… and yet there are people “training” their young daughters in the art of being a good wife.
I’ve read and been told that being a wife and mother is a woman’s high calling.
What the heck is a high calling anyway?
Surely being a wife and mother does not make me any higher on some imaginary spiritual ladder than my friend Naomi who is a single, nurse, living in Guatemala running a home for special needs little girls. She heard the call of God to go and do this enormous, time consuming, incredibly loving and life giving mission and she obeyed.[bctt tweet=”Single women are not less loved or valuable in the eyes of God.” username=”sarah_onpurpose”]
There’s also my friend Lisa. She is a fantastic teacher who loves her job and pours herself into her students, but she doesn’t have a husband or children of her own. Did she somehow miss her high calling? I truly doubt it.
Single women are not less loved or valuable in the eyes of God.
What if God has something like that in store for my girls? What if they miss it because their identity is wrapped up in being her future husband’s glory and not secured in the love of Jesus?
Marriage and motherhood are adult decisions. I chose both and they are good. So very good. And they are hard. So very hard. I don’t want my children to be burdened with such heavy adult issues at this early stage in their life. I want them to play and laugh and learn and discover. I don’t want them to think they need to prepare themselves for someone else. I want them to know that they are loved and lovable just they way they are. They are enough even if they don’t know how to keep the house perfectly tidy or bake the very best brownies.
I asked my children the other night what they want to be when they grow up.
Meadow- A nail painter
Hudson- An explorer or an inventor
Delaney- A unicorn
My little ones will probably change their minds as they grow, but they might not. Delaney even intermixes “when I’m a mom” with her dream of being a unicorn. Someday she just might be the best darn unicorn mama ever, but today she is just a little girl, who’s only job is to be a little girl.