It seems very fitting that today’s #wholemama writing prompt is birth. Today my 3rd baby turns 4 years old. From the moment Craig and I laid eyes on her we exclaimed “She is sooo cute! She is just sooo cute!” Believe me she has only grown in cuteness as she has aged.
This child, my Delaney is also the baby who assisted in my rebirth as a mama.
I recently listened to The Robcast by Rob Bell and he talked about being reborn and how we can do that over and over and over again. Rebirth is looking at something that isn’t working, letting it die and out of the death finding life. Growing out of the dirt from a tiny seed with all of the nutrients from the dead and rotting thing, making you stronger and better this time.
This is what giving birth to my third baby did for me. The mom I was, she wasn’t working. So she grabbed all of the things she knew were good and all of the things she thought would be good and she squeezed her way out of that tiny seed and grew in the rich soil.
Was I reborn into something perfect? No, but I am definitely more lovely. I am also braver, stronger and kinder. All from letting what wasn’t working die.
I must warn you though. As with any loss, even the loss of unwanted things, it can be accompanied by grief and pain. Frustration and discouragement.
When I was in labor with Delaney, there was a point where I was 6 cm dilated and everything stopped. No contractions. For hours I wandered the halls trying to get things started again. My own efforts were in vain and the doctor ended up breaking my water to start labor again. Oh boy did that work well!
Pain, frustration, discouragement all in that moment that felt like I was not going forward. I was not moving ahead to reach the end goal. Until I let my own efforts die and asked for help.
My husband once brought a jar of chicken crap to church. He preached that on it’s own chicken crap is waste and useless. It’s the nasty in life that stinks. But when you give it time and mix it with the right ingredients is becomes the perfect soil for growing wonderful valuable things.
Please don’t think I am calling my precious child chicken crap! I am calling some parts of who I was chicken crap, and from that I was able to create this gorgeous, treasure of a human being and the deep beautiful bond we have with one another.
I am amazed that on the other side of pain, of pushing and crying and feeling like you are being ripped apart, there is so much beauty and wholeness.
My sun sets to rise again – Robert Browning